9 Ways to Mourn with the Motherless on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is a beautiful day in which we honor the lives of deserving mothers all around the world. For those without mothers, today is a painful reminder of the loss or absence of their moms. Whether someone has been motherless for a year or 30, the pain is still just as prevalent as the day she left. As you go about your day today, here are 9 ways to help you mourn with those who are motherless on this special day.

1.) Refrain from “your mom” jokes. They’re not funny and they’re immature. Stop.

2.) Don’t talk about our situation in public.  You saying “your mom would be so proud of you,” only makes us think about her absence which leads us to getting upset which leads us to tears which leads us to messing up our makeup which leads us to being paranoid about our smeared makeup. So just don’t.

3.) Do talk about it in private. We need to know that someone realizes how painful today (and every day) is. We need reinforcement about our worth. We need to hear those sacred words that “she would be so proud.”

4.) When we cry, don’t say anything. Just hold us, listen to us, and be there for us. Because unless you are motherless, you can’t fully comprehend our pain and won’t have the right words to say. But we don’t expect you to have the right words to say, we just need you to be there.

5.) Give us our space. While we do need some extra physical and emotional support today, we also need some space to think, reflect, and cry on our own.

6.) Try to refrain from “mom boasting” around us. Hearing about that really funny moment one time when you and your mom rocked out in the car to “Wannabe” by Spice Girls and she ended up spraining her neck from head banging so hard is not exactly encouraging to us. Don’t get me wrong, we are happy when you are happy, but stories like these only remind us of the memories we will never make with our mothers.

7.) Not everyone has had a utopian relationship with their mothers. While some of us had mothers who were loving during their time on Earth, others did not experience this blessing. We must also acknowledge the variations of “motherless,” and realize this doesn’t subsume the category of physical death. Some folks may have mothers who are alive but not present or supportive in their childrens’ lives.

8.) Perhaps you’re reading this and you are a “non-relative mom.” You’re one of those women who has ” faux adopted” a child that is motherless. Don’t take our distance today as an insult. We love you and cherish you deeply, but today is a reminder that our “blood relative” is no longer with us.

9.)  When a mother dies, a child’s mourning never ends. This might be difficult for you to understand, but there will always be something spiritually peaceful and overwhelming about visiting her grave site.

For those of you with your mother by your side or in your life, realize the beauty of her existence — cherish her. For those of you without your mother by your side, know that she is around you in spirit and in love. When the breeze blows through your hair or the warmth of the sun shines on your face, know that she is present. And lastly, know that you are a beautiful and worthy product of her but also of yourself. Life without a mother is hard. Period. And look at you, you’ve made it this far and you’ve done a wonderful job. Keep your head up and your heart high.

Much love,

T

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